


For our friends, For you, Forever

by lifeisawkward



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28216554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeisawkward/pseuds/lifeisawkward
Summary: What if Castiel had confessed his love to Sam instead?Set in 15.18
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 45





	For our friends, For you, Forever

Sam paces back and forth nervously. 'There's got to be something.' He looks around as if this something will appear magically through one of the walls. 

'Sam, stop.' The calm command in Castiel's voice makes Sam obey.

'There might be something,' Cas announces quietly. Sam waits for him to elaborate.

'When Jack was dying, I made a deal with the Empty. In exchange for his life, I gave it mine, under the condition that the Empty would be summoned if I was to experience true happiness. I didn't spare a second thought, I never wondered what could make me happy.'

'Cas… ' Sam says lamely, because this is awful. Cas, who has been depressed for as long as Sam has known him, who takes the blame for mistakes he didn't make and beats himself up over them; Castiel, the angel who has saved each one of them and the world multiple times, has agreed to turn his own hypothetical happiness into a death sentence.

'It didn't occur to me that I already had everything,' Cas continues, 'that in these past few years with Jack, with you, I have been happy. It's been difficult, but it has also been good.'

Difficult doesn't quite cover it, but the fondness in Cas's voice makes Sam smile a little. 

'Yeah, Cas, it has,' he says, and that earns him a matching sad smile from Cas.

'You are the most wonderful person I know,' Cas tells him with an earnesty only he can manage. 'You are stronger than you should have to be, there is love in every corner of your soul and you give it generously, to your friends, to your family,' he pauses, 'to my son.

'I was taught to despise you, I was ordered to fight you, but after I knew you, I couldn't. Nothing was true anymore, you made me question what I thought I had been certain of for centuries. You changed me, Sam. You helped me see.' 

Cas talks with a passion that's unusual for him and Sam has to believe him - not because there are tears in his eyes and his voice is trembling, but because Cas only says what he means.

'Not long ago I thought it was impossible for me to have these feelings, but I do,' Cas says desperately, 'for you. I love you.'

Sam gasps inaudibly. The words float in the air between them and he understands now that when Cas said, with you, he didn't mean all of them. He meant Sam. Sam, the boy with the demon blood, is now standing in front of the angel of his prayers who loves him, who speaks of him like he's the greatest wonder on earth.

'Oh, Cas… ' Sam says helplessly, and tears of his own have started falling, making his vision blurry. He walks up to Cas and pulls him in a fierce embrace.

Cas has always felt small in Sam's arms, but now he feels so frail he might break, or melt, or disappear. Cas clings onto Sam, breathing hard against his shoulder, and Sam holds him closer, tighter. When Cas pulls back, Sam stays close enough to press a kiss on his forehead, then his eyes, and then his mouth. It's simple, soft and firm, and lasts a few heartbeats. 

'You know I love you, right?' Sam whispers with his eyes closed. He can say it in this warm safe space they've created between them. He should have said it earlier, because there are many ways to love, and Sam has already lost most of the people he loved. Now he's losing Cas, too.

The loud bang against the door doesn't startle Cas. As he carefully removes Sam's hands from where they're cupping his face, he smiles and nods. Tears like many tiny rivers have dampened his skin, making it glow. Beneath wet eyelashes, bloodshot eyes shine bright, bright blue. There's no pain in them, no agony, only the calm bravery of a person who's ready to let go.

'Look after Jack.' It's a demand. 

'Of course,' Sam is quick to reassure him, because there was never another option anyway.

Cas lets go of Sam's hands and takes a step back. The door bursts open. A thick cloud of black dust emerges with such force that makes Sam stumble back and take cover instinctively. He remembers to look up just in time to see veils of dust encircle Cas like a whirlwind. Cas holds his gaze the whole time and Sam makes sure to be there for him. The cloud grows thicker and thicker until it swallows Cas completely. When the dust dissipates, he's not there anymore.

Sam is sitting quietly on the floor when his phone vibrates. He considers ignoring it but decides against it. Not much is making sense right now, but one thing he knows is that Cas gave his life for Jack's safety, for Sam to go and do what needs to be done, for the world to be saved.

'Sacrificing your life for a cause takes a lot of courage.' Sam recalls his own words. 

He has a promise to keep.

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who may be reading, have a happy holiday!
> 
> Title comes from song Just Like Sleep by Passarella Death Squad


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